Let’s be really, really honest here, relationships are not 50/50. That’s just a lovely little lie we tell ourselves, right up there with “size doesn’t matter” and “I’m fine.”
If you’ve ever danced to Beyoncé’s “Run the World (Girls)” with a glass of wine in hand or nodded solemnly to James Brown’s “It’s a Man’s Man’s Man’s World,”
then congratulations, you’ve already been introduced to the eternal tug-of-war called relationship power dynamics.
This is the story of how relationship power changes hands over time, from her to him, and sometimes right back to her again. It’s a bit of a relay race, except no one’s sure who’s holding the baton or what the hell the race is even about anymore.
Stage 1: Optionality Is Power (And She’s Got It Early)
Let’s start with the basics: the person with the most options holds the most power. Simple.
So imagine a young woman in her prime; let’s say early 20s, skin glowing, waist snatched, phone blowing up with attention. She’s basically the kind of beauty that makes waiters forget your order and mechanics service her car for free twice. She walks into a room and suddenly every man remembers he forgot to breathe. Her Instagram’s DMs are a United Nations of suitors : bankers, ballers, baristas with poetry aspirations, all declaring their undying love after seeing just one selfie with a pout and a filter. Everywhere she goes, she’s getting stares, compliments, and guys offering to carry her shopping bags, even the ones struggling with Sciatica.
She’s sitting pretty. Men are lining up like it’s a Black Friday sale and she’s the last PlayStation 5 on the shelf.
Now let’s look at your average 23-year-old guy. Broke, clueless, one bottle of Lynx Africa away from a restraining order. No one’s checking for him unless he’s got abs, a good TikTok following, or a rich dad. His job is to chase. Her job is to choose. Get the picture?
That’s how it starts. She’s the prize, she is powerful. And for him? He’s just hoping he doesn’t get ghosted.
The Early Days: Her World, His Wallet
In the early stages, when sparks are flying and everyone’s on their best behaviour, the power leans heavily in her direction. Why? Because the man is the one applying for the job. She’s HR, PR, and CEO all in one. He’s on probation, he opens doors, pays for dinner, listens to her talk about crystals and star signs like it’s gospel. He’ll sit through Bridgerton and pretend he’s into “slow burns.” [”slow burn” means a gradual escalation in the romance with a lot of simmering tension.] …..Thank you Redit.
Why? Because he wants in. And she’s the bouncer with the guest list.
She decides when things move forward. She dictates the rhythm. When to meet. When to kiss. She decides if and when sex happens. She’s the gatekeeper, and he’s standing outside with a bunch of flowers and freshly ironed intentions.
Power? All hers. She’s running the show.
Stage 2: When the Pendulum Swings (a.k.a. After She Gets Attached)
But something funny happens once the relationship starts rolling, she starts catching feelings, biology starts whispering things like “clock’s ticking,” and society begins sending those passive-aggressive messages like “when are you settling down?”
Now she wants more than just Netflix and orgasms. her needs begin to shift from adventure to assurance. And rightly so. Evolution didn’t design her womb for recreational purposes. Her biology wants a stable provider. She wants Marriage. Babies. Security. A man who won’t suddenly disappear like her waistline after three kids and a mortgage.
And suddenly, our man; the once humble applicant, finds himself in a position of power.
Because now he has what she needs. If he’s also got money, status, and his belly hasn’t fully committed to Sugar Daddy status yet, he’s a hot commodity, especially if he doesn’t have emotional damage and can fix things around the house. He’s not desperate anymore. The man now becomes the gatekeeper of future security. The terms start to change. He may delay engagement (“I’m not ready”), postpone children (“Let’s travel more”), or keep things casual (“Let’s not label it”).
And the woman? Well, she starts to feel the power slipping.
That Fading Glow (a.k.a. When the Market Talks Back)
If she senses that her man isn’t as obsessed as he used to be, or if the compliments slow down, insecurity can creep in like a fart in church, quiet but potent.
Worse still, she notices that younger women are now getting the attention she used to take for granted. That painful moment when she walks past a group of men and no one looks up, not even the one with cataracts.
She starts to feel invisible. And not just to her man, but to everyone. That’s when the power imbalance gets real. She might push harder for commitment, validation, and emotional closeness, but he’s now the one calling the shots. The tables have turned, and she’s no longer holding all the cards.
Bridge: The Equilibrium Years (AKA, “We’ve Both Aged Like Avocados”)
Time is the ultimate humbler. At some point, both parties lose the sharp edge of their weapons. Beauty fades. The six-pack becomes a pot belly. Sex turns into something that needs scheduling. Kids are here. Careers are plateauing. Hairlines are receding. Here, relationship power levels out. It becomes less about dominance and more about cooperation. Mutual compromise. Who’s walking the dog? Who’s paying the mortgage? Who’s still got enough cartilage in their knees for doggy-style.
It’s no longer “Who’s got the juice?” but rather, “Who’s refilling the prescriptions?”
This is the companionship phase. It’s no longer transactional. It’s survival. You rely on each other like co-pilots though slightly annoyed with each other, but unwilling to fly solo.
But hold up. There’s one more remix.
Stage 3: Grandpa’s Slippers, Grandma’s Comeback
Let’s skip ahead. The man’s now knocking on the door of 80
Just when you thought the woman had gracefully faded into background status , then Boom! She reinvents herself.
With menopause behind her and grandkids in her lap, she enters her final form: Matriarch Supreme. The kids defer to her. The grandkids adore her. Society, once obsessed with her looks, now praises her wisdom, her recipe and her advice.
Meanwhile, granddad is somewhere in the background struggling to park his car in a straight line or even understand the latest WhatsApp update.
She is relevant again. The centre of emotional gravity. The glue of the family. Suddenly, all roads lead to her; holidays, babysitting, life advice.
And our man? He’s in soft retirement, emotionally and physically. With his health, libido, and income at an all time low. He finds himself once again in the passenger seat. Well, he just wants a quiet life, his slippers where he left them, and a functioning prostate… Not too much to ask for?. All power returns to the woman who outlived him in patience, strength, and sheer adaptability.
Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive plays one final time as she looks over her kingdom with a satisfied smirk.
This Power Ain’t Static, It’s a Damn Seesaw
So who runs the relationship? At the start, it’s her. Then it’s him. Then it evens out. And by the end, if she hasn’t killed him in his sleep, she gets the final laugh.
The trick isn’t to hold onto power but to understand when you have it, when you’ve lost it, and when to share it. Relationships that thrive aren’t power games, they’re power balances. Until then, play your role, learn the beat, and don’t drop the mic too early.
Remember, It’s not about who’s always in charge. It’s about knowing when to lead, when to follow, and when to just shut up and hold hands.
And if you can survive all the stages without strangling each other with a phone charger, then congratulations, you’re not just powerful. You’re unstoppable.
